Friday, January 18, 2013

On Friendship

Maybe it was my friend's loss of her best friend, or a lightbulb moment about a couple of my friends, or maybe it was the sweet message someone wrote me today about how they appreciate my friendship; but I have been thinking a lot about friendship recently and what it means to me and what it could mean to others. I want to be a good friend: sometimes I really am, and sometimes I am ashamed to say that I am not.

In light of my friend losing her best friend so suddenly and recently I tried to think about how I would feel if that happened to me. Then I tried to think about who my best friend is. I realised that if I needed to think about it then I probably don't really have a best friend. I have probably only had one best friend in the past and the qualification needed to fill that position for me was/is: that I am able to tell them anything and everything. I get embarrassed about a lot of things and sometimes I find myself not telling some of my friends some of the things that are happening or that I'm doing because of that; for example some people don't even know I have this blog. The person that was my best friend was so because I could tell them anything about myself even if I thought it was pretty silly because I knew they wouldn't judge and they'd always be supportive. Like when I first decided to start this blog, or when I set goals for myself that other people might have said were too out of my reach. Sometimes I feel sad about not having a best friend anymore but then I think about some new friends that I have made that I feel closer and closer to: it definitely takes time to build a BFF-friendship.

It's also been a time of reflection on the current friendships I have. I have a nice number of close friends who I see/talk to regularly and I am so grateful for them being here for me. I have friends that loyally read this blog (thank you so much for maybe pretending to be interested sometimes!) and send me letters and all manner of lovely gestures of friendship. In conversation with a new friend I realised that I always ask them what is happening in their life and they never ask me. So what if most of what we talk about is boys? I wouldn't mind if they asked what was happening to me and how I feel about it once in a while. So I've stopped and started observing the things they message me about; it's amazing to see that some people aren't the friends you think they are. Maybe life is too short to expend your energy on people who aren't willing to do the same for you.

I'm not saying I'm the perfect friend, there are a lot of times where I am far from this and part of this post is about recognising that and working to fix it. I should write to my long-distance friends; I receive so many lovely letters and postcards that I should finally just make time to write some back to them. I should send cards on birthdays and special occasions and should phone up my friends more often for updates. I should make the effort to travel to meet them and not be the selfish friend who never has to leave their place to catch up (I've been on the receiving end of that and realised how slack that can be). So to all my faraway friends expect a letter soon (depending on post.. give me a little time), and to my close-by friends a phone or message to catch up.

Thank you to all the friends who support me, go out of their way to be there for me, don't give up on me when sometimes I lose it and neglect the friendship, and who take me for who I am.

Image from this weird website.... (only posted here for the purposes of citing)

No comments:

Post a Comment